I couldn’t sleep. You would’ve guessed it was me going back to school the next morning. My heart was heavy for many reasons, some I couldn’t even articulate.
When a season comes to end and another one begins we have a choice to make. Do we hang on kicking and screaming? Or, do we embrace the journey to come and decide to walk in it rather than outside of it?
I decided last night to walk in it.
Homeschooling my youngest two boys was a lot of work, stress, and joys that made me proud to be chosen to be theirs. What started out as a necessity turned into a privilege. I would do it all again…mostly. Many days I questioned myself and my ability to be what my kids needed. Was I smart enough? Patient enough?
Gods grace covered me during this emotional time. He continued to tell me over and over how he had equipped me to be their teacher for this season. I knew it wouldn’t last forever and it didn’t. Today, I dropped my babies off at public school after two years of being homeschooled. What an emotional mess I was. As I drove away I tried to convince myself that I was good. It’s time I told myself. My mind wanted to go to Target and walk each and every aisle as I sipped my latte but my heart ached as a chapter was closing.
Would their teacher be kind? Patient? Would they make friends? These questions and more filled my heart. Again, I had a choice…trust God to cover and keep them or be filled with anxiety.
I chose to trust God.
He knows what my children need, who they need, and for every other detail…He’s got them covered too.
I made it to get the latte, of course, but that was as far as I got. I pulled up to the house and just sat there with this thought…What do I do now? I felt like I literally didn’t have a purpose. Wanna know what I did? I swept and mopped the floors. I did laundry. I actually watched some tv.
I realized it’s ok not to have a plan and be in transition. That’s where I am…in transition. Gods grace walks us through the every days of life and equips us for the task at hand. I was filled with tears as I felt the hand of Jesus just hold mine and say…It’s gonna be ok. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.
Wherever you are today, in whatever situation, let me encourage you. Allow God to unfold tomorrow out for you in his time. A new season is blooming and so will you. In time we’ll discover what we are called to next. In the meantime…go to Target and get a venti latte! Live it up! You don’t know when it’ll be time to get back to work!